Methods of Self-Enquiry

I am aware - different sadhakas have different ways of doing Self-Enquiry. Somehow, even though Maharshi said it in only way, different people have their own different way of interpreting it and doing it. I wonder how! :) So, of course, I have my way of doing it too. This post is dedicated to put down the way I do the enquiry. I have wanted to have this post. But somehow, couldn't get things together till this point.

I came across Maharshi and hence the enquiry some 10-15 yrs back, when I was in my 10th grade. I read of His famous death experience at the age of 16 from Aurthur Osborne's book. I did not understand what exactly He was talking about, at the end of it. I tried imitating what He did - practically trying to see what happens if one were to die. Of course, it did not lead to anything. :) I approached my dad, asking him what exactly was that Maharshi had experienced then - what exactly happened to Him after that process. My dad then told me that it was not just merely saying "I am not the body", but actually feeling/sensing/experiencing it. Since I did not understand all of that, surrender seemed to be an easier method. Only when I read Maharshi's explanation of what actual and total surrender was, did I realize that it was equally difficult! No wonder complete surrender and enquiry lead to the same goal! :)

And thereafter, I tried following enquiry now and then, whenever I remembered. But, I guess the frequency and ardor with which it was done, was very insignificant, to say the least. I don't even remember now, as to how exactly I did it then. Then, I was done with engineering, got a job and was sent to US on official work. I was at height of my materialistic nature, during that tenure. I somehow could nearly never turn my mind towards God/devotion, forget about self enquiry! I returned back to India in December last year and thanks to Him, I bounced back! I feel I have bounced at least to same height, if not more, as to what I had stooped, when I was in US. I started to feel so spiritual, that I thought whatever people said, that spiritualism is in the very air of India, was actually, literally true! I still believe in it. Anyways, I think I took much more interest in enquiry after the return than at any point of time before it.

I have probably changed the way I do enquiry at least 4-5 times from then till now. Initially, it was "concentrate on the 'I' feeling". See where it rises from. Then, one day, I somehow came across a JK book, which talked about the thinker also being a thought. It really gripped me. I could concentrate better with this than any other method that I had previously followed - If the thinker himself is a thought, then who is the thinker behind this thinker i.e., who is thinking of the thinker? I don't know why I abandoned that method - probably because of the nature of the mind to go after something new - I had "enough" of this method, so, the mind was searching for a new one.... And, it did get one! In one of Maharshi's books, someone talked about Enquiry being same as trying to remember one's own Self - in similar lines as, say, you owned something and you forgot where/how it was. This method did arrest all the thoughts as soon as they arose, but I somehow could not hold on to it. So, I abandoned that practice too.

Right now, I feel, the "right way" is to stop thinking - abandon/dismiss every thought as and when it arises and keep an eye on the place where the "I" rises from. Its like u r intently trying to listen to a very soft voice. You do not get any thoughts - but you are paying attention. Again, this is what I think is enquiry and I have not been able to do it this way. Its my instinct that says do it this way and the Self will reveal itself. I just have too many thoughts to deal with before I pay attention... Hopefully, Maharshi will help me in carrying out the enquiry this way!