Selfishness?

Here is how I was prompted to write a blog.

I attended a satsang yesterday with two other “like-minded” people. During the Satsang, we read Maharshi’s book, “Who am I?”. The starting few lines of the book talks about why one loves oneself the most. In the discussion that followed this, I quoted one of the sayings of Chanakya “A person develops friendship with anyone, only with a motive. No fool has friendship with anyone, without any selfish desires”. I thought this was true not just w.r.t. friendship but also with any other relationship that we have.

Today, as I was reading one of Maharshi’s books, I caught myself feeling that I probably don’t love Maharshi Himself; that I am probably using Him - using Him to attain my desire to be liberated. Yeah, is that not the reason why any disciple would cling onto His/Her Master? The more I think about it, the emptier I feel about my love towards my Master. Have I really been so selfish, so selfish in adopting His jnana marga to achieve my desires that I am just extracting His teaching and not giving back anything to Him – not even Love?

One of the stories that Maharshi has told that mesmerizes me these days again and again is the story of Sage Ribhu and His disciple Nidagha. Maharshi says the old saint loved his disciple because the latter venerated his Master Would I ever be able to show my Master so much love? Also, in the “Talks”, there is a recording where an Arsitocratic lady just prays for Bhakti. When would I have that kind of longing for Bhakti towards my Master?

As these thoughts keep pricking me, my consciousness, I only pray to my Master that I be blessed with more and more Love to Him. And then, perhaps to convince myself, I remember vividly, where Maharshi has said true Bhakti to a Master and “Thanking” a Master is to “Be” and never swerve away from the Reality.