Source of happiness...

I am venting my thoughts today, true to the name of my blog in this post. Long time since I really cribbed :)

Off late, many a times, even with the previous knowledge or should I say book knowledge, the mind somehow runs again after the worldly objects. I catch myself praying more and more for things. And when I do, I shamelessly substantiate it, try to convince myself that its fine to do it "once in a while". I am aware the 'once in a while' has now become more often to call it so; still I convince myself that its okay. As long as I am happy, even just prayying for whatever to happen, should be fine. But then, what if these are not answered? Of course, when praying, it comes with hope and dreams that it will be answered positively. But what if those dreams are shattered! However small the dream or the hope might be, they will bring sorrow with them for sure. I remember Maharshi had told that the worldly happiness is not pure; that it carries with it its ounce of unhappiness with it. As I wrote the second previous sentence, I realise its not just the happiness that carries the seed of unhappiness, but also the prayers. If the prayer is not answered in favor, it anyway breaks the heart. Even if does, as Maharshi said, will have the seed of unhappiness. These kind of thoughts have often made me feel that we should not depend not just on naything outside for happiness but also no external God for happiness. We have to turn to our Self to be free from any kind of worldly happiness, I feel. The moment the mind turns to the Self, for one thing, it remminds me that the world is untrue and dissuades me from praying for anything worldly. Afterall the external Guru is the Self alone! But the immature mind doesn't realise this and asks for the external things from externalised God.

We have to stop expecting things from others - people or objects. That is where the trap is. I am not sure why we expect anything from others; I haven't dug that deep enough. But all I know is that we in a way depend on those expectations to be met to be happy. So, we are depending on thgse people and objects to make us happy. How many times does the mind trip and fall! And still, it doesn't realize! Who can be more stupid than this! This is what habit does to us! The mind has been so accustomed to expecting happiness from xternal things and never stops running after one or the other object. It doesn't ever realize its falling in a trap! That it has been duped by same previous mistake. Its all a conspiracy. Don't know from whom.

The only that you can really rely on is the Self, That's the only one that is really on "my side". everyone/eberythign else is just a trap. They pose to be giving joy while hiding the associated unhappiness. I guess this is what Maharshi Valmiki meant when He said to Raghava "Appear involved in the world while being detached from it". Its all a conspiracy; act as if you have fallen in it; that you are falling into its trap while relying on your Self and Self only. Yes, the Self is the only "very own"; no one else, nothing else.This only means that you don't lose the sight of Self at any time. You need to be vigilant; keep an eye on the mind that it doesn't lose the sight of Self lest it fall prey to the conspiracy again! That is indeed the key!